Reading for the New World Order

A friend, whom I have known many many years, likes to refer to me as "one of those New World Order people".  It sounds like an elitist group, but that's not what he means.  Anyone who isn't in denial of the state of our world knows that change is happening.  The question is whether or not this change means the evolution of man or its extinction.  I prefer to believe there is still a chance for evolution.

Several months ago, en route to one of my weekend benders in SoCal, I saw a book at the airport bookstore that I wanted to read. I knew that I couldn’t realistically expect to read it during my trip or anytime soon afterwards, so I added it to my “to read” list on my smartphone. Recently, while browsing audiobooks online, I stumbled upon the title again. I still wasn’t ready for it, so I added it to my wish list. Three weeks ago I downloaded it. I listened to it in the car during my commute, and it couldn’t have come at a better time. Then again, I suppose I made the decision to start it when I was ready. “Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul” by Deepak Chopra has was an eye-opening and refreshing break from the boring recordings I’ve been listening to about discipline, motivation and organization. It centered me.

Buy it from Amazon or Audible

 

What's funny is that I was drawn to this book because of the body image issues.  Listening to it took me out of that frame of mind and into a healthier and more productive one.  This book guides you to look at the bigger picture.  The issue you may have with your body, job, family, relationship or whatever seems to be "holding you back" is the ego trying to disconnect you from the truth.

A person's relationship with their body is a very intimate and revealing one.  It is the best and most honest friend you will ever have.  The body gives cues to let you know when something is out of balance, physically and/or emotionally.  To ignore these cues is to live in a state of denial.  You (the true you) are conscious, independent from the names, titles and labels. It is the consciousness that recognizes the signals your body sends, thoughts in your mind and your ego. Once you are solid in that knowledge, suffering no longer exists.  This brings to mind a common saying from the Baptist and Evangelical religions, "Let go and Let God."  You cannot change the present, so fighting what already exists is just pointless struggle.  To accept what is present, which doesn't mean to condone it but only to acknowlegd that it is here, is the end of suffering. Once you've shed the shallow concerns of ego (vanity, greed, envy and the other "deadly sins", you make room for evolution.  This space is not emptiness; it is purity and potential.  Anything action you take from this place of purity feels right, no matter how challenging it is.  You find that people help you, things fall into place without much effort and your worries lessen.  The real work is keeping yourself in this space.

Pay it Forward

Friday was shaping up to be a momentous party night.  After 40 minutes of unsuccesfully attempting to park in the mission, I decided to instead park by 1015 Folsom and take a cab back to The Putppetmaster's house.  I cracked open the jumbo bottle of champagne and we were off on a trip.  When we all piled into the cab back to 1015, we were already a back seat party.  We only needed to wait for the club crowd to catch up.

Things were going well until just before 1AM, when I ran into a girlfriend who was completely wasted.  I'd seen her super drunk before, and this was something else entirely.  I took her outside because I thought she might either pass out or be sick.  I figured the cold air would do her some good... and it did... for about an hour... during the peak of the party.  When we got back to the club, she was still a bit fuzzy but she could hold herself up and follow a conversation.  We ran into the friends she had come with and that was the last I saw of her that night.  My buzz was practically gone, but my peeps were still going strong so I gave them until 3AM to work it out.  I drove Puppetmaster and Twin Peaks to get some Mexican food and then dropped them each off at home before I headed back over the bridge.  I was tired, not so much physically as mentally.

When I woke up with a headache the next morning, it was an irritating reminder that I had done something nice for another person.  Deposit one coin in the karma bank.

Occupy Oakland

I've had my doubts about the Occupy Movement for quite some time now. Yesterday the protesters damaged the YMCA. Really? Are you taking action against one of the few the facilities where lower income senior citizens can afford to use the pool? I can understand why they made a mess of city hall to some degree, but I think we all know that none of this lawless behavior is going to accomplish what we truly desire. You cannot fight fire with fire. The old saying was coined by someone who didn't have the opportunity that we have to affect change. I strongly believe that the best way to battle the powerful forces in this country is to make a statement with how you spend your money. We already know that a Capitalist society gives power to money. If we take our business away from those corporations involved in practices we oppose, they will have no choice but to listen to our demands.

Meanwhile, I know that the unemployed need an outlet, and I'm 100% in support of peaceful protest. For goodness sake, just don't dumb it down! The more violent incidents happen, the more opposition there will be. Eventually the victim will be seen as the criminal.

(photo courtesy of M. Dillon)

Check your ego at the door.

Just as there are numerous websites and TV programs advertising the newest way to lose weight and have a perfect body, there is also a self-acceptance movement gaining strength. “Your body is not wrong.” “Start a revolution. Stop hating your body.” I like where this is going. I totally need this too! I need to accept myself the way I am and feel comfortable in my own skin. The few pounds I’ve put on during the past year need love.  The more I fight my current situation, the worse I feel.  It's just not healthy.



I finished the Deepak Chopra book and started listening to the audio recording of “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle. It’s blowing my mind. I find myself either responding verbally to the recording or exploring my emotional attachment to a memory that it has evoked. That happens EVERY time I listen to it. It’s often uncomfortable, but I feel like this needs to happen. I can feel myself changing. It’s weird. I mean, everyone changes every day. We are constantly changed by our life experiences, usually without any awareness of it. I can actually feel my mind shifting through the physical reactions in my body. I’ve had some very disturbing memories resurface, and I can feel every fiber in my body tense. I feel just awful when that happens. Instead of pushing that memory out and trying to block the emotional response, I just sit with it. I remind myself that these are things that happened to me or things I’ve done, not who I am. That’s a big part of the book, separating experiences, social archetypes, ego and physical forms from who you are. You are not your body, your role in society, your experiences or any of the things that make up the labels that we commonly use to classify things.


It was good that I went through Deepak’s book first. It prepped me for this one. I’m going to listen to it twice - maybe more. Naturally I still have cynical questions and feedback. Sometimes the concepts just sound too imaginative. I have trouble determining if I’m just having an ego-protective reaction or if what’s being discussed is just confusing or even downright crazy. Since I have been so anti-organized religion most of my life, I’m more open to thinking about many of the concepts. I don’t think I’ve EVER spent so much time figuring out how I feel about spirituality, myself and what makes me truly happy.

I'm in a blissful place right now. I’ve lived my entire life trying to figure out how to label myself and never being satisfied with any. The times when I felt best represented by words were when I described how I felt: I’m hurt, I’m happy, I’m okay, I’m over it. Even the most authentic label or title I could find, I am a writer, still doesn’t quite fit. Labeling myself is so permanent, so limiting. I’m afraid of being trapped (not physically, but by obligation). That is probably the biggest hurdle that I must overcome in my mind. Thankfully, I’m making progress.  Now that I'm convinced that there is no need to feel guilty, confused or lost because I don't have a title, a great weight has been lifted.

dissecting resolutions

The best part of keeping a journal (and a blog) is that I can go back, read what I wrote and find the patterns.  The biggest pattern in the past year or so is how hard I’ve been on myself.  I shook my head while reading some of my training logs.  Do I really intend on having this as a standard?  When people ask me what I’m training for, the answer is usually “life”.  Is life really that physically demanding?    Do I really need to feel so bad when I don’t measure up to what I imagine I should be?  I know so many people who make their lives more difficult by getting in their own way.  I have been one of them.  My reflex is to punish myself for that too.  When did I become this person?  I sound like most of the other single 30-something women I know: self-deprecating perfectionists.  Nothing is ever good enough.  Therefore, why do anything at all.

My resolution is to let all of that go.  Good riddance.