I have truly lost my MFing mind.
This morning, I woke up so sore that I could barely drag my ass out of bed. Today I did the bike commute, a lunchtime yoga class and jogged the lake when I got home. Now I am waiting to go out dancing. I can barely get my ass out of this chair without cussing. I just took an Aleve in hopes that it will help loosen up these joints so I can dance tonight. See! That’s just crazy.
I signed up for the Nike Women’s Marathon. I’ll be doing the half. My goal this time (this will be my fifth time participating in this particular event) is to run all of it or come as close as I possibly can with three months of training. I had my first outdoor run today, after a very long hiatus. In fact, I believe the last time I ran outside was when I did the Nike last year… if you can call that running.
My knee still makes that crunchy noise, but it’s not going to stop and I accept that. Now the other knee is starting to make the same noise as well. Eh fuck it. As far as I know, this is the only life I’ve got so I’m going to run. It feels empowering to just go outside and run. I want to do it. I am going to do it. I don’t care what the damn doctors and trainers say. I am going to figure out a way to run that doesn’t make my knees hurt. Today, I tried a light tiptoe style. That seemed to work for the joints, but it makes me tired very quickly. I will have to condition myself to run that way. My knee feel absolutely fine right now, especially considering how tired I am from pushing myself all week.
I’m eating meat again. I had three weeks of vegetarian, and now I’m over it. At first I felt like I was starving all the time (and then bloated when I ate until satisfied). After I got used to the idea of eating more frequently, I was happy for a time. I felt light on my feet. I was sleeping better than I had in years. Although my strength and stamina didn’t seem to be improving, my recovery time was really fast. I couldn’t do as intense a workout as I was doing, but I could work out more frequently. I started doing a one at the office and then turning around and getting two more in the evenings at 24 Hour. Then I started back on the bike commuting and it all came crashing down. Apparently bike commuting is very difficult for me with a meatless diet. I began to get irritable and listless.
The first time I had meat again, I overslept the next morning. I don’t mean by a few minutes either! Meat makes me feel sluggish. It’s much more difficult for the body to process than fruits and veggies, so that makes sense. I just have to make sure I allow my body extra time to rest when I have meat. Although I miss feeling light and quick, I LOVE feeling strong and tough. I am trying to find a happy medium. So far I have determined that there will be no meat with dinner. I don’t want my body digesting meat when it should be sleeping.
That’s all for the update. Still nothing on the dating front. Well, maybe nothing – too early to tell right now.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Am I Black enough for you?
"She's not really Black." I didn't think too much about it when a friend I bowled with a few weeks ago told me that the woman who bowled in the lane next to us said it to him about me. I dismissed it as just her being ignorant, which really it is. However, I've heard this shit since I was a small child. You'd think that adults would get past that. Is it a sign of immaturity that this woman still thinks this way or is that a general consensus amongst full-blooded Black people that I have ignored?
Every other nationality that I interact with considers me Black. Most people don't even know I'm mixed. Sometimes Asian people notice it around the eyes, but it's pretty obvious by looking at me that I am of African descent. When asked what nationality I am on a form that only gives you one choice, I choose African American. I often forget that there are Black people who don’t consider me to be “really Black”. Mostly, I don’t hang out with people who say things like that as anything but jesting.
Well anyway, I just wrote it off. I figured I’d never see the woman again. Who cares what some random bowling alley woman thinks, right? Then when I did see her again I felt so disturbed by her. I wanted to say something, but what was there to say? I couldn’t think of anything except, “You’re ignorant”. I didn’t think that would go over very well.
Today, while out shopping with my mom, who is Filipino, I thought about it again. I thought about all the things I do with my hair, which is a strange combination of the two nationalities: frizzy and coarse in the center of my head, but smooth and fine along the edges near my face, ears and neck. I’ve tried texturizers to make the center hair limp so it lays down more similarly to the outer edges. I’ve tried cutting the edges shorter and fluffing the center up so that it makes an afro-type thing that always turns out lop-sided. I‘ve permed and hot-curled for years. “She’s not really Black” felt like I’d been slapped in the face. I mean, is being Black like having some exclusive membership? Is there some unspoken value to being Black that no other races are privy to?
Now I feel kinda sad for bowling alley woman. Living a life filled with labels sounds unnecessarily complicated.
Every other nationality that I interact with considers me Black. Most people don't even know I'm mixed. Sometimes Asian people notice it around the eyes, but it's pretty obvious by looking at me that I am of African descent. When asked what nationality I am on a form that only gives you one choice, I choose African American. I often forget that there are Black people who don’t consider me to be “really Black”. Mostly, I don’t hang out with people who say things like that as anything but jesting.
Well anyway, I just wrote it off. I figured I’d never see the woman again. Who cares what some random bowling alley woman thinks, right? Then when I did see her again I felt so disturbed by her. I wanted to say something, but what was there to say? I couldn’t think of anything except, “You’re ignorant”. I didn’t think that would go over very well.
Today, while out shopping with my mom, who is Filipino, I thought about it again. I thought about all the things I do with my hair, which is a strange combination of the two nationalities: frizzy and coarse in the center of my head, but smooth and fine along the edges near my face, ears and neck. I’ve tried texturizers to make the center hair limp so it lays down more similarly to the outer edges. I’ve tried cutting the edges shorter and fluffing the center up so that it makes an afro-type thing that always turns out lop-sided. I‘ve permed and hot-curled for years. “She’s not really Black” felt like I’d been slapped in the face. I mean, is being Black like having some exclusive membership? Is there some unspoken value to being Black that no other races are privy to?
Now I feel kinda sad for bowling alley woman. Living a life filled with labels sounds unnecessarily complicated.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Transformation Project: Assignment #1 - Get to Know All of My Neighbors
I’ve lived in this building since Halloween last year. I’ve met seven of the other twenty-nine plus residents here. I met one of the newer people at this past weekend’s Oaklavia street closure event. We were both volunteers. I recognized her electric bike because it has been locked to the staircase for a few weeks. I told her that it was nice to finally meet someone other than the people in the units next to mine. We agreed that this building is strangely anonymous. When I lived across the street, I’d at least seen every resident’s face and could strike up a conversation with about half of them. I was only there for about a year, and the man who lived next door to me was the hardest nut to crack. I actually had to take a bottle of wine to his door to get a “hello”! After that he just acknowledged me and smiled, but that seemed to be quite a breakthrough for him.
On one side, there’s the Cat Lady. She has two huge tabbies and she is extremely quiet. I never hear a TV or music or even voices from her side. Whenever I have people over, she always knocks on the door to ask us to be quiet. She may not be the ideal neighbor for me, but at least she talks. On the other side there is a young couple. From what I gather, they are college students and hip-hop dancers. They must have family who live relatively nearby because they are rarely around. When they are home, they are friendly and social. Cat Lady often goes over and asks them to be quiet too. Hip Hop Girl told me that she hates Cat Lady because she's always compaining about the noise. At the time, we were having an impromptu toast of ice cold cognac. I just managed to be passing by at the right moment to be included on the toast. Yes, these are my favorite neighbors. My first introduction to them was when they threw a party to raise money for a nonprofit that matches organ donations with needy recipients. How could I not like them?
Then there’s the really short older guy at the end of the hall. He used to have this crazy ass girlfriend whose temper was eventually her downfall. She has terrorized this building. He, on the other hand, seems perfectly serene. I don’t talk to him much though because I don’t want that crazy bitch chasing me with a kitchen knife! Yeah, she has done that. I thought they were the cutest little troll couple until she flipped out and the man had to lock her out of the gate to keep her from attacking her own niece. That particular incident reeks of questionable shenanigans, but my mind is far too twisted to even consider my version of what happened to be the truth.
On the other side of Hip Hop Duo, there’s this tall white guy who loves the Chargers. He seems to be a regular guy with a good sense of humor. I’ve run into him more than anyone else in this building. When I was going out a lot, he and I kept similar hours. I figure that’s gotta make Charger Fan someone who knows how to have a good time. I should introduce him to Cat Lady so he can mellow her out a little bit, but I get the feeling that she’d only turn her nose up at him anyway. I can’t fault her for that I guess. He is kinda geeky. I think she would be more receptive someone with charisma.
Maybe Cat Lady is a Christian or something – no booze, no sex, early to bed, early to rise, blah blah blah. I considered inviting her over for one of my video game parties, but then thought better of it because she might take me up on my offer and be the biggest buzzkill I ever met. Then what if she wanted to come over every time? She’s always at home, so I wouldn’t be able to avoid her crashing. Awkward! Best case scenario, however, would be if she loved the parties, got along with my friends and actually let her hair down once in a while. That would be so awesome. Hmmm. Maybe I’ll reconsider.
I've gotta figure out a way to swing this whole neighbor meet and greet. I need to get some face time with everyone. I can't do it all at once (going door to door) without looking like a freak. Maybe I can recruit some help from Hip Hop Duo, Charger Fan and Electric Bike. I really need to start by learning these people's names.
On one side, there’s the Cat Lady. She has two huge tabbies and she is extremely quiet. I never hear a TV or music or even voices from her side. Whenever I have people over, she always knocks on the door to ask us to be quiet. She may not be the ideal neighbor for me, but at least she talks. On the other side there is a young couple. From what I gather, they are college students and hip-hop dancers. They must have family who live relatively nearby because they are rarely around. When they are home, they are friendly and social. Cat Lady often goes over and asks them to be quiet too. Hip Hop Girl told me that she hates Cat Lady because she's always compaining about the noise. At the time, we were having an impromptu toast of ice cold cognac. I just managed to be passing by at the right moment to be included on the toast. Yes, these are my favorite neighbors. My first introduction to them was when they threw a party to raise money for a nonprofit that matches organ donations with needy recipients. How could I not like them?
Then there’s the really short older guy at the end of the hall. He used to have this crazy ass girlfriend whose temper was eventually her downfall. She has terrorized this building. He, on the other hand, seems perfectly serene. I don’t talk to him much though because I don’t want that crazy bitch chasing me with a kitchen knife! Yeah, she has done that. I thought they were the cutest little troll couple until she flipped out and the man had to lock her out of the gate to keep her from attacking her own niece. That particular incident reeks of questionable shenanigans, but my mind is far too twisted to even consider my version of what happened to be the truth.
On the other side of Hip Hop Duo, there’s this tall white guy who loves the Chargers. He seems to be a regular guy with a good sense of humor. I’ve run into him more than anyone else in this building. When I was going out a lot, he and I kept similar hours. I figure that’s gotta make Charger Fan someone who knows how to have a good time. I should introduce him to Cat Lady so he can mellow her out a little bit, but I get the feeling that she’d only turn her nose up at him anyway. I can’t fault her for that I guess. He is kinda geeky. I think she would be more receptive someone with charisma.
Maybe Cat Lady is a Christian or something – no booze, no sex, early to bed, early to rise, blah blah blah. I considered inviting her over for one of my video game parties, but then thought better of it because she might take me up on my offer and be the biggest buzzkill I ever met. Then what if she wanted to come over every time? She’s always at home, so I wouldn’t be able to avoid her crashing. Awkward! Best case scenario, however, would be if she loved the parties, got along with my friends and actually let her hair down once in a while. That would be so awesome. Hmmm. Maybe I’ll reconsider.
I've gotta figure out a way to swing this whole neighbor meet and greet. I need to get some face time with everyone. I can't do it all at once (going door to door) without looking like a freak. Maybe I can recruit some help from Hip Hop Duo, Charger Fan and Electric Bike. I really need to start by learning these people's names.
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